"´¨`·..♥ * » § I FEEL STRANGE, MOSTLY BECAUSE I AM. § « * ♥..·´¨`"

"Pearls!" burst out the Snork maiden excitedly. "Could ankle-rings be made out of pearls?"
"I should think they could," said Moomintroll. "Ankle-rings and nose-rings and ear-rings and engagement rings...."
"That's a question for later," the Snork cut in, thumping furiously with his pencil. **
"not if they are made of pearls," said the Snork maiden. "Now you've broken the point of your pencil again. Doesn't anybody want to eat this evening?"

from "Comet in Moominland" by Tove Jansson


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<3 <33 <3 i love my moomin books from the library that hadn't been touched by civillians / borrowed in ten plus years until me. i think i might start collecting vintage moomin books.. they so pretty.

i don't have much to say. this midmorning after spending all of last night (and this morning, i woke up at 9am. WTF) flicking through channels and moaning at my own incapapilities (all in my head) i started writing again (26 pages so far... and i haven't even proof written one of the 'stories' i had..) i should propably work on the cooking one too.. it's just writing the recipies down..

oven baking falafel didn't really work out. it all just fell to bits. i guess deep frying is the only way. and there were no value big packets of flour at tescos so i didn't bake my precious muffins. actually there's still one left from last week's patch. mmmh. muffins. actually, i might just make them tomorrow when carl comes back. and make some 1Up cakes. or power up cakes (red) because we're super awesome. but nowhere near as awesome as this.

i managed to scavenge a roll up worth tobacco from bag carl had abandoned in the smoking box. yaye.

& i also have new shoes. fifteen english pounds i propably didn't really have to spread around like that. but they were on the sale, and i'd been eyeing them up since they first appeared on a shelf at the new look in the pentagon. i love them lots, with their sensible heels i think i can actually walk in without looking like an akward giraffe. i haven't test driven them outside yet (i bought them yesterday) because i keep thinking 'what if i realise i can't afford them and must return them' because obviously they don't take shoes that have been worn outdoors back. i'm such a dimwit sometimes. but i feel guilty for the shoes. though i guess at least they are not an impulse buy. but they so pretty. i've got similar brown ones from primark hiding somewhere that i bought ages on a semi whim and can't walk in them (yet) because they have the standard proper high heel.

anyway.

the weather's lovely and warm (i don't really want it much warmer though, as i like wearing clothes) but sadly it means the crackheads etc have gone mental and i've got a load of them next door. i spoke to the old lady from upstairs and she was telling me all sorts of stuff that i won't repeat because it's not reaally that interesting. but i've decided i should complain to the housing officer too, maybe something will be done then (enough people moaning, not because i moaned..) but then again, i'm still not entirely sure what the hell is going on. all i know there's people coming in and out all times of the day who obviously do not live there. and shouting. i don't really mind _that much_, but out of solidarity i guess.

i haven't had post for weeks on end, seems like months (but then again the zine symposium feels like a month away at least and i think it's only been 2 weeks now) other than some uninteresting ones from my landlord saying someone's coming to fix the shed (wahey) but today i got a letter from the council (more housing benefit! win!) and a lovely letter from photogirl which i have in my bag to read while walking since i finished my book this morning ("girl interrupted" by susanne kaysen. really liked it) and my headphones are still broken and i haven't bought new ones. i could go to argos today but i've decided that i'm not buying ANYTHING until i've run out of food and the fridge is stupidly full. i hope my bean and lentil loaf is still ok...(somehow i doubt it a bit.)

carl went home yesterday and he's not back until sometime sunday. oh well, maybe i'll get some things done. work on your pretty face #4 (i already have things, they just need to be typed up / written down prettily / be found...)

one more thing: when i was walking to the library, a man drove past me in a car and took a swig out of a large bottle that i'm 99.9% sure was whisky or other whisky coloured alcoholic beverage. isn't that just brilliant? i can't decide whether to laugh or cry about that. oh medway. ilu.

i'm off then. i've still got that reasonable pile of zines to assemble and staple that i've had since the monday after zine symposium, i just haven't had the something to actually make them, until now (i hope)

i win at to do list today! i've done EVERY SINGLE THING on the list par the last two, but the night is still young. actually i didn't buy the callico because there was choices and i'm no good with decisions so i just got samples with prices and widths. that counts. going into the fashion bit at college is so unnerving. it makes me always feel like i'm not ______ (fill with superficial qualities) enough, which is unimportant but makes me feel uncomfortable. i bumped into a girl i photographed once for some fashion student's final project and she gave me her draft business card and i scribbled my email and url on a piece of pattern paper. you know, she might need help with something one day and be willing to part with cash for assistance. probably not, who knows.

it's hard to write properly on my lj these days. it's just a lot harder to be insightful or even truthful when you can't do it when the thought comes to you. i hate not having internets at home, but at the same time it's probably best, i'd never do anything else. or would i? i'm not sure. that's what happened when we got internets on boundary road. sigh.

sometimes i feel guilty about my staples self service copyscams. srsly. but today it wasn't my fault the nice girl punched in A4 self service copies instead of A3. & i used my £3 voucher too. so

yesterday the police came to see not me but some other people in my building about assault FOUR TIMES at least. and i had to let camp larry (who's flat they were at first..) into the building at 5.30 am cos he'd locked himself out. it's all asbo go go in my house. and when i turned to go back to bed i saw it was empty and thought carl had been kidnapped or something, two seconds later thought "oh he must have gone to the toilet while i wasn't looking" before realising he had actually gone home around 9. special.

i listed your pretty face is going straight to hell #3 on my etsy already, i'm going to write a proper description and take better photos later, it looks a bit wonky because i hadn't stapled it together because it was missing a page (fucked up one page last night. boo)

i still maintain i make the most excellent pizza (i don't particularly want to cook anything else lately. what's wrong with me?) trying to figure out something to make tonight for me and the missus without having to buy much. yesterday i was only supposed to get some cheese for the pizza but somehow ended up with all sorts of things (salad, cherry tomatoes, yoghurt, cheese, an amazing lemon tart?) today we are going to buy carl man jammies (because jammie pants help him sleep, apparently) and i think i'm supposed to make another 30 copies of your pretty face #2 for that massive order i mentioned yesterday. oh fun. tomorrow we are going to go see the benefits advising lady to shut carl's mum up.

yesterday we went jammie hunting (not buying) and charity shopping and i came home with 3 casette tapes of 90's excellence: "generation terrorists" by manic street preachers, "leisure" by blur and "leisure noise" by gay dad. when we walked into burton, a really strange remix of "apply some pressure" was playing. so strange i didn't recognise the song at first.

i had forgotten how much i love "friends of mine" by adam green. the new one.. we aren't sure. and it has hanson on track 6 which confuses me.

i've got a list of things to write about and list of things to type up and.. yeah. sometimes it's hard to actually get things like this done when you've got a boyfriend sitting next to you begging for cuddles every five minutes like a wee puppy. bless him, but gah! i'm getting nothing done. i really wish he did have somewhere to go during the day.

i've sort of misplaced my library card. pft. but i could do with a new one anyway.

i rang the tax people and they are officially useless. and i'm useless at arguing.

ps. kids, don't forget about the strike

i can't believe i haven't written anything since i went to the dentist. there's not much to write about. i've been working, and i've been nursing carl (he was ill for a day) and i've had a bit of a mentally really shit weekend. covered in self doubt, inadequacy to do much and frustration. i've spent a lot of time in bed.

i've somehow managed to half write issues #3 & #4 of your pretty face. how did that happen? but neither is anywhere near finished, and i want to finish #3 for the zine symposium (april 27th) which is over a month away, but i know myself, and know how impossible i can be.

carl went home yesterday and i woke up this morning in a panic thinking about how much council tax is. what the hell is wrong with me?

i made the most amazing pizza the other night. i'm officially amazing at pizza. SERIOUSLY. it almost made me cry how good it was and it was just your average tomato (tinned and sundried..) sweetcorn olives capers and cheese filling.

i've got to send some look books to france on carl's behalf. i didn't know gossip were playing in london next friday. sold out, but i entered a draw which i won't win.

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god. i love her a bit. she gives me chills. i'm sure i almost cried when i accidently saw them at hmv. i spent most of last night writing #4 stuff and listening to team dresch and gossip. i really should email her. but i don't know what to say..