"´¨`·..♥ * » § I FEEL STRANGE, MOSTLY BECAUSE I AM. § « * ♥..·´¨`"

i've been a horribly desperate mood for the most of the day. it's been rather unpleasant. but i found the envelope i had stashed the pages of Beat Torture while sorting out the closet (really don't understand why it was there underneath by photography box) i got so excited i spent 20p of my 34p credit to tell kasper.

i went to the london zine symposium yesterday though and it was not unpleasant. i went in with about 90 odd copies of various zines and came back with five. and a new bagful of other people's zines. and an extra £40 in my purse! would have been more but i bought some zines etc worth about £15 (oops) and some zines were stolen / mistaken as free from the individual zine table. boo. i'm tempted to make a post on zinescene_uk to see if any of the lj people thought they were free and if they'd have the heart to paypal me the £1 / £1.50 i missed out on. next year i'm so applying for a stall. if nothing else, so i can sit down and talk to randomers and not have anything go missing. cos even though i'm not particularly angry about it or anything, it's bothering me. poking at a little tiny bit of my brain that's rather annoyed. oh well. shut up, tiny bit! i'm not doing this for moneys.

i think i spent most of my three and a half hours there (i got stuck on the tube, stupid signal failure) talking to lizzy from marching stars distro & gave her a big pile of stock (ten copies of almost everything) and i gave some to pete from dead trees and dye distro and talked to kathleen who does a lovely zine called scratch that itch (i think it was her since we did swapsies) and i've decided to steal a brilliant tattoo idea from her. not that i've had any of the old ideas but who cares.

the sadness hit once i got home and spoke to carl on the phone and started feeling incredibly lonely and hopeless. i get that feeling when i come home from musical travels.

i've got a pizza dough rising in the bedroom (comfort pizza!) and when i leave the library i'm going to staples to make some more zines, and then home via tescos (more credit and onions) carl's coming back tomorrow i think. i'm not sure the hefner on my ancient (2001?) mixtape is helping the sadness though.

i want to make another zine right now.

bad to worse. (still not saying what, because i don't want to)

in other 'great' news, i'm pretty sure i've got some gaping holes in the back of my lower front teeth, thus i've just finally booked myself a dentist appointment next thursday. scared. might have to ask mum if she's got some pennies to borrow me for dentist bill, which hopefully won't be too much. is it wrong that i want to ring the dentist again just to ask how much she thinks it might be?

ps. lori, i'm low on the credit, but i could do with a chat.. wanna give me a buzz later? x

god, i hate today intensely. yesterday was bad enough, lugging all the crap from the wastin' my time studio into my flat (because they're getting kicked out, and they don't have a new place yet. it's all extremely fucked up) and carl being cranky as hell for that reason and wah. but today, fuck me, today.. work was ok i guess, but on the way to the studio to help carl with the last of the shite i went to check my bank balance cos my water bill's going out tomorrow. and wtf, i'm overdrawn by £9.40 or something. so i have a massive panicky spaff, as you would do at the thought of no moneys when you got bills to pay and how this country likes to charge you shitloads for going overdrawn when you don't have an overdraft. and then one of the carrier bags of carl's rubbish broke half way and i had a meltdown and carl threw all his birthday money at me (i borrowed £40) and stormed off and yaye. i walked to the bank while crying on the phone to mama, she's skint as fuck too, but until the end of the month, not thursday like yours truly. anyway this is where it gets a bit better (so far) i went to the bank and the lady said i won't get charged since i'm putting money in the day i went overdrawn (though i spent the money last night, who knows) which is good. but the cunts at emusic.com had charged me another £8.99 on valentine's day instead refunding me the previous £8.99. cunts. so that's why i'm in the library. i've just told them off. i was supposed get my hair cut by miss ellie from work at three today, but luckily i bumped into her just as i was sending her a text asking if she'd come at half past instead. so yeah, i'm giving her a ring once i leave this place (which is in a bit) and we'll meet up in town and then go cut hair off off off, via getting the ironing board from the studio..

also carl couldn't find the lovefilm dvd's at his house monday. and we've had them since like.. last wednesday. i want to watch the rest and get rid of them!

yeah, hopefully it's going to continue a bit better, or i'll break stuff. i've got two chicken breasts in the fridge that have to be eaten today. carl says he'll make us a nice chicken curry. i really need it to be nice, i might cry otherwise.

i need to do something ziney and useful tonight that's not housework related. might otherwise cry. again.

i am still so dead. i hardly slept last night, and i think i'm still hungover from saturday. obviously i either should a) never drink again or b) build up my hangover tolerance by drinking more. i'm going home, doing a gigantic amount of dishes (drunk and hungover kittens are no good at house work, especially when they decide to bake) and then either tidying or going back to bed with some studio ghibli. i'm kind of voting for the latter. i'm having a real life day off tomorrow, which will be glorious. and i'm going to auntie allisons to do my laundry. wahey. my life is riveting. i wonder if kayleigh will be in school (please, please please. she's lovely but a serious handful)

i need a break so bad it's not funny.